I felt like this was a great place to confess something to my church family.
I have control issues.
Some who know me well may laugh, but it’s true, and it’s an issue that I have struggled with for a long time. So far in my life it has been a wrestling match with God.
Control problems lead to many different issues. Recently, I have been struggling over the fact that I have no control over where or when or how my husband gets or doesn’t get a job after graduation. Part of me wants to even be in the interviews with him to make sure he says everything right. I felt like somehow my thumb on the issue would help the result one way or another. Knowing that that thought and feeling is just silly; I sat on my couch the day he was in his interviews, wrestling with God. We fought back and forth till finally I said “Fine Lord, You can have this, BUT I can control my hair color!” So that night I ended up dying my hair pink! (The rebellious teenager in me loves to come out and play sometimes!) After realizing how absolutely silly I looked and realizing that I was acting out like a child, I dyed it back and went on by praying “Lord help me to grow up”.
Most issues of control are not so funny. Most of us don’t even realize we are acting out. We can’t control how people treat us, but we can control how much we eat. Or we may feel out of control at work, or in our family, or the way friends’ lives are going, but we can control how we treat the people around us, good and bad. Sometimes we can even get really defensive and harsh around the people closest to us in order to try to control the situation.
God calls us to relinquish control to Him.
20 Now there were some Greeks among those who went up to worship at the festival. 21 They came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, with a request. “Sir,” they said, “we would like to see Jesus.” 22 Philip went to tell Andrew; Andrew and Philip in turn told Jesus.
23 Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. 24 Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. 25 Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. 26 Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.
As I am preparing for this time of Easter, I was reading some of the scripture up to the crucifixion. Can you imagine what He was feeling or thinking? I know I would be freaking out if God asked me to give up my life; I can’t even give him part of it. In this passage, Jesus speaks to His disciples in these final hours about surrendering every decision, every thought, and every bit of your life to God’s plan even if it means giving up your life.
God, we love to hold on to control of our lives. Father, we confess that there are things that we wish we could control. Our family, life decisions, Your timing, aging, our spouse. Lord, whatever it is, we relinquish control to you. Forgive us when we stamp our feet and act out like children. Jesus, thank you for giving up your life for us.