I felt like this was a great place to confess something to
my church family.
I have control issues.
Some who know me well may laugh, but it’s true, and it’s an
issue that I have struggled with for a long time. So far in my life it has been a wrestling
match with God.
Control problems lead to many different issues. Recently, I have been struggling over the fact
that I have no control over where or when or how my husband gets or doesn’t get
a job after graduation. Part of me wants
to even be in the interviews with him to make sure he says everything
right. I felt like somehow my thumb on
the issue would help the result one way or another. Knowing that that thought and feeling is just
silly; I sat on my couch the day he was in his interviews, wrestling with
God. We fought back and forth till
finally I said “Fine Lord, You can have this, BUT I can control my hair color!”
So that night I ended up dying my hair pink!
(The rebellious teenager in me loves to come out and play
sometimes!) After realizing how
absolutely silly I looked and realizing that I was acting out like a child, I
dyed it back and went on by praying “Lord help me to grow up”.
Most issues of control are not so funny. Most of us don’t even realize we are acting
out. We can’t control how people treat
us, but we can control how much we
eat. Or we may feel out of control at
work, or in our family, or the way friends’ lives are going, but we can control how we treat the people
around us, good and bad. Sometimes we
can even get really defensive and harsh around the people closest to us in
order to try to control the situation.
God calls us to relinquish control to Him.
John
12:20-26
20 Now there were
some Greeks among those who went up to worship at the festival. 21
They came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, with a request. “Sir,”
they said, “we would like to see Jesus.” 22 Philip went to tell
Andrew; Andrew and Philip in turn told Jesus.
23 Jesus replied,
“The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. 24 Very truly
I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains
only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. 25
Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in
this world will keep it for eternal life. 26 Whoever serves me must
follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the
one who serves me.
As I am preparing for this time of Easter, I was reading
some of the scripture up to the crucifixion.
Can you imagine what He was feeling or thinking? I know I would be freaking out if God asked
me to give up my life; I can’t even give him part of it. In this passage, Jesus speaks to His
disciples in these final hours about surrendering every decision, every
thought, and every bit of your life to God’s plan even if it means giving up
your life.
Prayer
God, we love to hold
on to control of our lives. Father, we
confess that there are things that we wish we could control. Our family, life decisions, Your timing,
aging, our spouse. Lord, whatever it is,
we relinquish control to you. Forgive us
when we stamp our feet and act out like children. Jesus, thank you for giving up your life for
us.
Amen
-Sierra
